hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize