clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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