you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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