Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
