help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
