her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
