my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
