UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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