i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
