At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
