i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
