Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
