Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
fuck your aforementioned shoe
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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