cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
