i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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