Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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