he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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