I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I intend to get homeless drunk
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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