I am spending my child support on dildos
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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