dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
