Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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