could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
