Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
