Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
