When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
