Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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