After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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