She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
