Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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