I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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