OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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