Whatcha textin bout Willis?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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