Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
