Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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