Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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