I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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