dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
