instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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