Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
