I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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