If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
