You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
home. puking in laundry basket.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
