ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize