every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
