wrigley field is MILF paradise
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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