I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
is this the sara with the beer cane?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
