apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How does one acquire holy water?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
