he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
