PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I can't turn off my feet"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
