1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize