Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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