So drunk its hurt
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
