overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I checked into jail on foursquare
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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