Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I looked at my own cervix.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
