If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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