You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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