It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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