i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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