I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
