Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm at about main and main street
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
