I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
