living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
