oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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