I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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