I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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