Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
