So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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