The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize