sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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