I've blown a few things in my day
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
