Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you mean i was at the winter classic?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
