Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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