shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
