I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
