we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize