You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
