Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
