why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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