is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
