Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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