drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize