come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
