If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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