i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
