you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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