i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize