marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
