I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
