all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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