remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
