using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
