It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
