When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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