you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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