my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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