the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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