We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
