i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
