If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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