So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
