Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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