He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
