Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Randomize
