you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
