If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
